(Source: suzybae, via yoju)

Timestamp: 1397591238

I am soSOSOSOSOSO blessed to have a family that loves and fears The Lord. I am so blessed to have a mom who always points me to Christ when I am in doubt and when I am struggling through life. I am so blessed to have a father who has a shepherds heart, who loves me and prays for me every day at 5:30 in the morning.

I am so blessed, yet why do I always complain. I am not entitled to ANYTHING so thank you Lord for all the blessings you have given me in my life.

too much of a feeler for my own good

so interesting

i look back and see that so many of the qualities I have now, I had since I was a baby.

My parents always tell me that I was super needy when I was born. After they would rock me to sleep, they would carefully set me down in my crib, but the moment they let go of me, I would start crying. My parents had to sleep with me on top of their bellies because I would not let them leave me alone, and they always complain that I was so tiresome LOL. My parents thought this was natural until my brother was born and he would cry if they held him and would sleep super well if they just left him alone in his crib LOL. Needy Lee since birth….

That didn’t stop as a newborn…. It just kept developing into who I am now (HAHA). I remember whenever my dad had to go somewhere for a couple of days and couldn’t come home, I would cry behind our recliner because I was embarrassed, but I couldn’t help but crying. Whenever my dad called home, I would cry on the phone and ask him when he was going to come back..

And the whole over emotional thing while watching movies. That started when I was HECKA young too. I remember when my dad took me to the movie theater to watch Prince of Egypt, I cried secretly (or I thought I was pretty sneaky about it) when Moses’s mom and dad had to put him on the Nile River ( I was like 5 when it came out). My dad teased me so much in front of his friends after that, I was so ashamed to cry over movies/TV shows after that so whenever I would tear up, I would go to the bathroom…
I also remember crying at the end of Godzilla when he died and my dad kept asking why I cried and honestly, I cried because I was sad he died (I don’t even remember what the movie was about I just remember crying because I was so freaking embarrassed), but I lied to my dad and said I cried because I was scared. LOL.

It’s so crazy how personalities/emotions aren’t really a learned aspect, but.. something that you’re just born with.. I guess I’m just BORN a feeler and am just naturally needy….

"Marry someone who lets you have a bite of their brownie, even when you said you weren’t hungry. Marry someone who laughs at the same things you do. Marry someone who kisses your nose on a cold day. Marry someone who you can watch Disney movies with. Marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn £5 a week or £5,000 a week. Marry someone who you can tell everything to. Marry someone who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to hold your hand in public. Marry someone who lets you take over when decorating a cake. Marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed. Marry someone who wraps you up inside their coat in the winter. Marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias. Marry someone who gives you butterflies every time you hear their key in the door. Marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for. Marry someone who accepts you all day every day, even when you don’t look or feel your best. Marry someone who puts three sugars in your tea, despite telling them “just the two”. Marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in cookies. Marry someone who doesn’t make you want to check your phone, because you know they will reply. Marry someone who waits with you to get on the train. Marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes. Marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events. Marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff, and never tells you it’s “only stupid stuff.” Marry someone who makes you want to be a better person. Marry someone who makes you laugh. Marry someone who you love. Marry your soulmate, your lover, your best friend."

oh the tension

Living in a world that tells you you’re not good enough, tells you that you’re not qualified enough to do the very thing you dream to do, and compares you to hundreds of other people who are all striving for the same thing as you

..is definitely humbling— in both a good and bad sense.

Being comforted and protected by a safety cushion of Christian-ese is definitely not making it any easier as I fear rejection and am faced with the conflict of knowing that I am qualified and worthy versus having a bunch of big, real-life giants (aka bullies) out there telling me that there are people out there that are better than me.

Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but it’s unfortunately and sadly kind of true. Living in a world that compares you to everyone else, determines whether you’re good enough or not, and tries to state this truth (or is it truth?) it in a nice, cliche, stereotypical way, is definitely a rude awakening from being sheltered by the Church and having all of your friends tell you that you’re good enough, that when you dream with God, He will open up closed doors.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that God gives each person talents and desires for a reason and that He has called each person to a unique task with the talents and gifts He has given to the individual. I just feel like these preachings really didn’t prepare me for real life and how to handle the world’s mentality.

There just appears to be so many people around me with similar desires, talents, and gifts as me, yet, they have MORE experience that makes me shine a little less, and consistently makes me look duller.. and duller.. and duller..

life.. is getting realer and realer with each passing day, and honestly, it kind of scares the sh** out of me.